More Christmas pics

The guys

Christmas Story Before Bed

BIKE!!!

Christmas Fun!

Thanks Bamma and Gramps!!

We always take a picture of Grace on Christmas Morning!

Lots of good food and company!

Making a birthday cake for Jesus! (funfetti, his Fave:)

Annual Baking Day!

We had a great Christmas! Good food and good family! Here are some pics to share. I am bummed Christmas is over but enjoying relaxing. Happy New Year!

Crazy Weather!

Wow, Oregon never ceases to fail giving us crazy weather that can change in a minute! I know many of you have had lots of snow these past few days, while we, over here in Independence, have experienced a little snow but mostly ice! Here are some crazy pictures of the ice! Yesterday we were completely "iced" in, instead of snowed in. It took Josh about an hour just to get the ice off his car so he could open the door! And last night it rained so all night we heard the huge ice chunks crashing off the roof. And then this morning while I was outside trying to get the ice off my winshield (because the roads were clearing up and Gracie and were going to try and go to my mom's for some baking) it started snowing and hasn't stopped! I am not complaining about the snow, all weekend I was jealous of both the people snowed in and the people who had nothing and could actually go places, so I am loving the beautiful snow! I might have to update however, in about five mintutes, because the other night it started snowing like this and quickly turned into freezing rain!

Snow Day!

We now love candy canes

Wow! Do I have some catching up to do! My list for "I'll do it in January" is getting long, so I thought I'd take some time and post something. It seemed like thanksgiving took forever to get here, one because we were celebrating at our place with a lot of family and I was excited, and two because it marked the beginning of "the holidays" - meaning I could finally put up my Christmas tree! And now of course that it's here it's flying by. We've been talking every sunday at our church about doing Christmas differently this year, calling it advent conspiracy. Josh and I have been super excited about it. Not bah humbuging anything at Christmas time, if there is anyone for Christmas carols, presents, trees and cookies its me. We're just re-assessing what we do at Christmas. Where we give our money, effort and time and seeing if they are an act of Worship for what God did for us Christmas day or just giving into consumerism and the pressures of tradition. I've been loving it but it's actually been really challenging for me as well. I love love love Christmas, everything about it; starting with Jesus and ending with Christmas cookies. I love that Christmas marks the night that God rescued us, the night be humbled himself from being God to not only being a man but a poor man. He was born in the hay next to farm animals and yet it is a beautiful picture of how God brought light into our dark world. Instead of trying to make things right from up above God gave up his beloved son, so he could be here with us; experience our pain and hurts yet live a sinless life so that you and I who could never be sinless never have to die. It's beautiful and I love Christmas for that. However, I am also a Christmas tree enthusiast, a black Friday shopper, a lover of all things sparkly-red and green, have been known to make thousands of cookies in a day and I get absolutely giddy when it snows. So I have actually been struggling with our advent conspiracy. Now the point of the conspiracy is not to say don't buy presents, or bake cookies or whatever its to say spend less money on stuff we don't need and give it to Jesus ("when you give to the poor you give to me, when you feed the hungry you feed me-Jesus). To give better gifts to those you love and spend Christmas-time worshiping God and basking in the joy of the light that he brought us through a baby more than 2000 years ago. So I think I have been struggling because instead of replacing my approach and attitude towards Christmas I added the advent conspiracy to my list of things to do and give money to at Christmas. Which is not the point and to be honest is quite exhausting. So this is what I've done so far to work through this, to make Christmas more about Jesus.

1. Threw out my list (very hard to do as I am a serious list maker)

2. Read the real Christmas story- and just basked in the amazing sacrifice God gave us that night, and how he saved the world in such a poetic and beautifully humble way.

3. Sat in front of my Christmas tree, by myself, in the dark (except for the tree lights of course) and did nothing but sip hot chocolate for a whole 30 minutes!

4. Most importantly LET THINGS GO.

The thing is, baking cookies is not bad, its when my schedule is so full that I have to get up 5:00 because I need to bake cookies for somebody, partly because I love them, and honestly, partly because I find my worth at times by impressing people or making them happy.

And buying presents isn't bad either, its when I drive home from Salem crying because I know I am supposed do be doing advent conspiracy and instead am running into the same old -I am not close to being done "getting everyone done" however my money is running out. So I am letting things go, I want to love my next door neighbors so I am going to bake them something tomorrow, but if they are Betty crocker cookies or even better just a Merry Christmas with a card then that's going to be just fine. I am going to make/buy presents for my family but I am going to give gifts that show them I love them, not that I had $20 to spend on them and did. And most of all, I am going to remember and enjoy the gift given especially to me by God and his kid 2000 years ago, that means I get to know him. My new favorite verse is this;

From John chapter 1 "The word gave life to everything that was created and his life brought light to everyone. The light shines in the darkness and the darkness can NEVER extinguish it."

I think people envision peace and hope at Christmas time because that is what Christ gave us by showing up that night, and what I find real peace in is that fact that nothing in this busy and oftentimes dark world can take that away from me.

Anyways, Merry Christmas! I'll leave some pics of us in the snow, and yes I've been as giddy as a fifth grader expecting a spelling test and getting a snow day- all day long!

I know Grace is still young, but lately she has been all about being "mommy's helper". She LOVES to stand on a chair and help me mix up batter for brownies, or apples for an apple pie. And she also loves to "help" me clean. I am loving it, but actually running into problems because she always wants to help, even when I'm cooking on the stove and she really can't. Anyways, it's a lot of fun, and even though she's young I'm excited to teach her the trades of the kitchen and share that special time with her. I can see also, even at her age, how good she feels about her self when she gets to help and can accomplish a small task like adding an ingredient or stirring.

Here are some pics. Happy Thanksgiving!

A beautiful fall day.....

I wasn't exactly for Josh's schedule of 4 - 10 hour days. The weekends were nice but our evening family time was cut a bit short, and I like my routine. However, I am coming to love it and don't remember how I managed to enjoy a two day weekend, I need three! Our routine has molded to our schedule and although part of that routine is Grace absolutely melting down every day 15 minutes before Josh gets home, while I am trying to get dinner ready, I am starting to love it. We enjoyed a particularly refreshing Monday off this past week consisting of a gorgeous day, a hike in the woods, some lunch at one of our favorite c-town spots and some starbucks. (Well coffee for Josh and hot cocoa for me and Grace.) Here are some pics, it was such a beautiful day I had to share! P.S this was one of these really foggy days lately but the fog cleared just around where we hiked!!!

And then there were four!!!!!!

Grace has a special announcement to make! She is going to be a big sister! We (all three of us) are super excited, and just wanted to share with you, our friends, that we will be having baby number 2 sometime next June/July! We will keep you posted! Love you all!

Christmas Trees in October!

Ok, anyone who knows me well knows that I LOVE LOVE LOVE Christmas. I love all holidays perhaps a bit more than normal, but I really really love Christmas. Last year, for instance, we were going to PA for Christmas to be with Josh's family. And sometime in late October Josh said to be something like, I guess we wont need to get a Christmas tree this year since we will be gone all of Christmas break" and my response was nothing but blank stares, like he was speaking a foreign language. Needless to say, we got our tree last year the weekend BEFORE thanksgiving so I could enjoy it the appropriate amount of time before we left. (The guy at the tree farm didn't even have his sign up yet!!)

Don't get worried though, I did not bring home a Christmas tree before Halloween, although I hadn't thought of that before, a fake Christmas tree could be brought home whenever! Anyways, someone that Josh works with has a grandpa who owns a Christmas tree farm outside of Corvallis, and he lets people come as early as labor day (which if I had known I would have gotten a tree for my birthday!) to pick out their trees, mark them, and then come back the weekend after Thanksgiving to pick them up! So we picked out a great tree, and I can rest assured knowing that it is safe and growing and getting ready to be cut and sit in my living room!

This is all silly I know, but Its getting me in the mood for the holidays!!!

Gracie and I did a project yesterday! Super easy and fun! Just two bags of plastic pumkins and real pinecones. (A mixture I got at Micheals for %60 off!) And a glue gun! Oh, and a twig wreath I used for Christmas last year! Grace helped by being my "style editor". Meaning she ripped off whatever she thought just didn't fit. Happy fall!

You moms are great!

Thank you so much for all your great advice! It warmed my heart this morning to see all of your replies! You are all such great friends! I really appreciate your advice, stories and encouragement. We have had two straight days of not one single successfull potty-going. I am tempted to try the diaperless thing, but I'm kind of thinking she's just not ready. Plus, I realized that Grace and I cuddle whenever she wakes up, in the morning or from a nap, and if I have to put her on the potty we will loose that! She's already growing up too fast, and we don't have much of that down cuddle time, and I'm just not ready to loose it!
Thanks you guys! You made my day!

Potty Help!

I need advice from those of you who have kids out of diapers! Grace and I (and Josh) are on our second round of trying potty training. She wasn't ready before, she did it for a couple of days but then didn't want anything to do with it and I didn't want to force her. I've heard and read that forcing potty training can do a lot of harm. This time I thought she was more ready, and things have calmed down and we're finally "home". But its pretty much the same story, sometimes she asks to go, a lot of times I put her on it at what I think are good times, before and after nap and after meals and such, but most of the time she has already gone in her diaper. I know she is only just two. I just feel like I should have three things accomplished by the time she's three, potty trained, out of a crib, and not using a binki at night. What are your thoughts? Are these timelines unneccessary? I was focusing on potty now, because I don't want to do all three changes at the same time.

Help me more experienced moms!

Pumkins!

I love fall! It was never my favorite season until Grace was born and I think it is my favorite season (besides the Christmas season of course!) now because 1. Grace was born on a beautiful fall day and 2. because I don't go to school anymore, I think that's what ruined it for me before :)

Anyways we went to this really cute pumpkin patch yesterday and it was so much fun! I would recommend it to anyone if you are looking for a place that has lots of things for kids to do. They have a hay maze, a hay slide (a giant slide made out of hay), a hay pyramid, a little bike race track, and even this little sand-like pit but made of grain that the little kids to play in. Oh! and they had the cutest little baby cow to feed and pet. And of course a hay ride! The only thing it lacked was fresh donuts! We had lots of fun, a great way to celebrate fall!

Grace turns 2!

The terrific Twos

I have been wanting to right this post since yesterday morning and am finally getting the chance. I have lots left to do, getting the house together, before Grace's 2nd Birthday party tomorrow but it will all have to wait. A year ago tomorrow we celebrated Gracie's first birthday, and I was completely shocked by how emotional I became as her birthday came near. I just kept looking at her and remembering the day she was born, how beautiful she was and how I was both completely terrified and overflowing with joy all at the same time. I was a bit surprised the past week though, as I prepared things for her birthday, how unemotional I was. I was excited to celebrate her but not sappy at all. Which was fine, I think I have just been too busy to think about anything but unpacking. But yesterday it hit me. Yesterday was the "anniversary" if you will, of my due date for Grace. And I just started to remember the waiting and anticipation of her arrival. And today two years ago is when I was induced at the hospital, lying in bed and still waiting. It wouldn't be for almost exactly 24 hours before she was born. But she came and she was perfect. I had Grace by c-section so I didn't get to hold her right away, but Josh put her tiny cheek against mine and I fell in love. (pause to go get kleenex) I was kind of in and out for an hour or so after that in the recovery room while Josh went up to give her her fiirst bath, and I didn't get to see her again until my nurse (who was an angel and stayed with me through my c-section even though her shift had ended) pulled some strings and brought me back up to the maternity floor so I could be with Gracie even though I was supposed to stay in recovry for a few hours more. Anyways it was amazing and scary and beautiful all at the same time. Flash forward to today, the day before she turns two. We spent some time, me and Grace, dancing to music this morning, it's one of her favorite pass times, and while we were dancing a strand of my hair got caught in my face, I wasn't really paying attention because we were being silly and dancing around, and she stopped what she was doing, and with her cute little fingers brushed the hair out of my face! I know, I am getting over the top sappy here, but how sweet, she truly has a beautiful little heart.

Over the past two years my biggest joy and struggle has been being a "stay at home mom".I really fought my desire to do what I'm doing now, and then once I stopped going to school and wasn't fighting it anymore, I felt like I wasn't enough and wasn't "accomplishing" enough. Now, two years later, I am confident in Josh and I's choice for me to stay home. Although I occasionally feel self conscious after certain remarks or aroud "career moms", I know that I find so so much Joy from being home with grace. For instance I love feeding Grace lunch, I know that is silly, and that there are many more important things I will do in life, but I love it. I love teaching her new things, and being there when she gets hurt, I love that I get to decide what she eats and when she naps, and just that I get to be in her presence and love on her all day. I love it. I am not writing this to make any mom feel bad who works, every single mom in my family have always worked and they are all great mothers. I'm just writing this to celebrate that I am finally ok with the fact that I love staying home and that I'm content doing what I'm doing.

If you read this Grace, someday, just know that being your mom brings me so much Joy and I love hanging out with you! You are so beautiful! Happy Birthday!

My favorite Gracie Sayings

We are getting to a point with Grace where she is learning so many new phrases and words that I can hardly keep up! I definately have mommy ears and can understand her words better than others (and so can Josh) but with new words It takes me a while of repetetivness from her to catch up and figure out what she is saying. It is really fun though, it's neat to watch her learn something that we practice all the time, and it's really cool when she picks up on things that I didn't even try to teach her!

These are some of my favorite words or sayings of hers at the moment. (and their translations!)

I wub you too too (I love you too)

bayeeg (big)

cawur me (carry me)

pee pee (means both pee pee, as well as peanut butter and pannebaker!)

she is also learning songs like row row your boat, twinkle little star and my favorite, Happy Birthday! We taught her to sing it for my birthday so she sings it to Mommy every day!

Josh and I have been going through the grueling and mostly stressful process of trying to buy a house this summer. We started the process in June and are now just finishing up! We have long dreamt of our own house, a place where we can paint the walls and settle down enough to keep the same address for more than a year. Adding to our anticipation for our "own" place is the fact that we haven't unpacked our bags since we left McMinnville in March! It will be such a dream to put clothes in a closet, sleep in our own bed, and to give Grace her own special space again! I have learned a lot from the process of buying a house.
1. Don't throw away important papers
2. If you need something from someone at a loan company, and you're on the phone trying to get it, be nice and be persistent, and call every single day until you get what you need or they'll forget you even have a loan with them :)
3. Work with people you trust
4. Focus on loving your spouse extra during the process because it's hard to be loving under so much stress!
5. Know that God knows better than you, and that having your own house is not what life is about!
About a week before we found out our loan info had been approved, I realized that although having a house would be absolutely wonderful, it would not change anything about my marriage, my relationship with my daughter, or keep me from living the life that God wants me to live.
Friends and family, thanks for all your prayers and advice; we can't wait to have you over!!
Here are some pics of our new place!

From a Veteran Two Year Old...

Today, I hijacked Leslie's blog (don't worry I got permission to help her with something)!

I can't believe Gracie is going to be two soon! Where does time go, seriously?

Maisie is about to turn three in two weeks and I'm a little sappy about it. Last year, she obviously was turning two and I thought she was SO big. I think it had to do with me being really pregnant and wanting her to act older than she actually was. But she was just a baby!

So, moral of the story, Leslie, is that even tho Grace is almost two, and she is your first, so all new age developments are exciting...PLEASE don't grow her up too fast and SAVOR every day.

We love you Pannebakers!!

Rainy Day Activity

Grace and I were bored on one of our recent rainy days, and instead of watching T.V all day I decided we would pudding paint. Did anyone else do this growing up? We did, although I think my mom usually made a point to do it on a sunny day so that we could go hose off afterwards. Anyways I thought we needed a project and I didn't have any Gracie appropriate art supplies so we painted with pudding and ate it too!

The hollywood hump!

Tomorrow Josh and I will reach the hollywood hump in our marriage. That is what I've decided to call our 3rd wedding anniversary because that's as far as most young married couples in hollywood last these days, especially those who are on T.V! Anyways I was looking at our wedding pictures and started to tear up a little bit! So much has happened since we got married not so long ago, and I just thought I'd take a minute to reflect and share some of our informal pictures with everyone! I love you honey!

Full of Grace

There are so many special and important milestones in your child's life, holding her head up, sitting up, walking, saying momma and dada, and so on and so forth. Grace has had several fun little milestones lately, saying her ABC's, counting, singing songs, calling out hi mommy hi mommy and other short sentences. Watching her accomplish all these things bring me such pride and joy, I get so excited over things I never expected to be such a big deal. With that being said, yesterday Grace hit a milestone that has to be one of my favorites so far, and one that I had never thought about before. I had a headache and decided to lay down on the couch to watch T.V for a little while. Josh left Grace with me for a few moments while he got ready to take her out and wash the car together.. Well I was lying on the couch and grace grabs two big blankets and walks over and covers me up! Ok maybe this is a silly thing to write a whole blog about but it completely warmed my heart, and it made me realize that she reached a new milestone, compassion! We always talk about when our kids walk and talk and learn to use the potty, but I never thought about when she would learn to care, to love selflessly and to be gracious and compassionate. Anyways, just thought i'd share, being a mom is so much fun!

Mommyhood

This past week I've been thinking a lot about mommy-hood and Gracie and just all the great things having her has brought to my life. All prompted by our good friends who will be having a baby any day now, I started to reflect on some of our families coolest moments so far. First of all, the first few days after Gracie was born were the absolute scariest yet best days of my life. I simply cannot put to words how I felt holding her, finally getting to see her beautiful face, and learning (with lots of help from nurses!) how to tend to all her tiny needs. That time also allowed my hubby to completely shine in action. Since I had a C-section I couldn't get out of bed for the first 24 hours and even after that it wasn't easy to do , so Josh did just about everything he could. He changed her, held her, helped me whenever I needed anything, and then when Gracie lost a lot of weight he stayed with her in the nursey even though he hadn't slept a wink in days. I can honestly say I love the man more than when I married him!!


My next favorite moment, or more like feeling or thing since Grace has been born might sound silly. I had a really really tough time feeding Grace after she was born and so after three weeks she was %100 bottle fed, which was fine, I always made a point to have either Josh and I feed her, and we cuddled and would make it good bonding time anyway. However, when Grace started eating solid foods I decided to attempt to make most of her baby purees. This consisted of many hours of cooking veggies and soups and different things, puting them in my food processor and then freezing them in ice cube trays. It took a long time and always made a mess, but I can't explain how cool it felt to really make something for her to eat. Like that I was creating her food for her. Like I said that may sound kind of like not a big deal, but I really feel like I got to experience a little bit of what it would be like to feed her myself when she was first born. Anyways, it was cool.

Another thing I was thinking about was teething. Which in most cases is a seriously not-cool thing, at least in our house. Except for the excitement of getting a new tooth, it means fevers, drooling and lots of crying at night. This doesn't happen quite as dramatically as it did the first 5 or so teeth, but a few nights ago I was up with her in the middle of the night. And at first I always get really frusterated because I'm so tired and just want her to go back to sleep, but then I think about how one day I'm never going to get to hold her like that again! And it's just around the corner! She's already a busy bee who doesn't have much time to cuddle and one day she will be all grown up and it will be over! I know that is a somewhat sad thought, but it just really put things into perspective for me about a lot of things. Caring for a baby and then a toddler can be exhausting but once its over its over, and all those sweet moments will be memories! (I know I sound melodramatic and the next age will bring good stuff too..sorry!)

Ok last one, for now. Her birthday. I've always loved birthdays. My parents and grandparents did a great job (and still do) at making us kids feel so special on our birthdays. However I never expected Grace's birthday to mean soo soo soo much more to me. I mean I did know I'd probably be way more excited about her birthday then mine, and excited to throw her a party and all. But as a mom, that day is like so meaningful because you are reflecting on the day she was brought into the world. It was an anniversary for one of the best days of my life, and I was just really surprised at how emotional I got, and how special a birthday really is when you realize it is celebrating her creation! You just don't think that way about yourself!

Well I better cut this long post short, my little creation just woke up and is singing her abc's in bed! (another favorite moment!)
So to end, to our friends Ty and Molly who inspired me to reflect, cheers to whats to come its going to be amazing!!!
-Leslie

Mini Me

Am I too old to use the phrase; "I totally had an OMG moment"? Well if I'm not then I did!
Grace has recently brought to my attention a little habit of mine. It seems whenever I finish a task or get ready to begin one (both big and small) I say either "OK" or "Alrighty". It could be something like opening the car door to get Grace out of her seat, or after I've buckled up and before I've started the car, or after I am finished fixing her plate for a meal but before I serve it to her. And excuse me as I giggle a little to myself but as I am writing this sentence she sat down with one of her toys and said "ok" in her cute little voice before beginning to play with it. It seems as though it is somewhat of a transitional phrase for me. In fact I must have used these two words soo much because she now says it before I get to it, almost ALL of the time!! So now, I am actually getting out of the habit because I rarely get a chance to use my little transitional words. My point from all of this is that I realized two somewhat cool but also really scary things; one she listens to me, and two she might actually turn out like me!! OMG!! I better pay attention!

Are we there yet????

When will we be there yet?


I hung out with a friend of mine while in Bend this past weekend and I realized how seriously human I am. Josh was taking his big Physical Therapy Exam in Redmond, he did great and passed and is now officially a certified PT! Whoohoo! So while he was taking his test Grace and I went out to breakfast with our friends Mary, and her son Grant. These two were really our only friends while we were in Sisters and we were so glad to catch up with them. While we were eating breakfast Mary asked how it was to be where we are, Josh with a new job that he loves, living in Corvallis, finally earning money, looking at houses etc.. and I realized at that moment, that I wasn't happy yet with our situation, I didn't feel "there" yet. Most likely because we are living with my parents for the summer, which has been great and a true blessing. But I think I thought we would magically find a house and be able to buy it the same week that Josh found a job. (And that buying a house would somehow put us somewhere we've been waiting to be)

Anyways what struck me was that we have been waiting to be where we are right now, for like ever! For Josh to have a job and be done with school. Often (VERY OFTEN) over the past 3 years you may have heard us start many sentences with the words "when we're done with school" or more likely "when we have a job" ...... and I think I imagined life to be suddenly better, not that it was bad in school, but like we would have arrived somewhere, like life would be more figured out or something. We have all these dreams and I put them all on this shelf for later, for when we get there. And I'm sure I did the same thing before I met Josh, "when I get married" and then it was "when we have a family" WHAT ABOUT NOW???? Why do I constantly find the need to live in the future? I think that what I have discovered from this is that I don't think we will ever be "there" yet unless we are content being "here" now.

Broken Bones and Ice cream cones

I belive that all moms battle with the desire and strive to be perfect moms, (or at least as good as the other moms they know). I , for example, will get on a roll doing my best to be cooking really healthy meals every night, teaching Grace new words and skills, getting her to say please and thankyou, buying the organic crackers that cost 5 dollars for a weenie little box, and so on and so on. I am big on milk drinking, vegetable eating, holding hands and outlet covers. I am too cautious at times and am even prone to hover. However, I am often reminded that I am not perfect, that the struggle to be such is tiresome and unfruitful, and that kids are resiliant. I learned this lesson again this past weekend. Still, 4 days after the incident it is difficult for me to write that Grace fell down a few stairs on Friday, and Saturday we found out she had a broken arm! The weekend was not fun. Grace was a trooper and remained her happy self as long as you weren't a doctor poking her arm or during what my new least favorite activity is, giving a toddler an X-ray, or getting a really hard, but hot pink, cast put on! She is doing well now, and I know that a broken arm is so small and not a big deal compared to other things that parents and babies have to go through, but even though small, it is really really hard to see your child broken, and worse to think you could have done something to prevent it! But life goes on, the great news is that she most likely only has to wear it for three weeks, at the end of which we will celebrate by going swimming!!! So to sum it up; grace has a broken arm, she's eaten ice cream every day since friday, and we're all still doing good! (I am trying to post a picture because she looks so darn cute, but my computer is acting funny so hopefuly it will work!)

Pannebaker Updates!

Hi friends and family!

I wouldn't be surprised if not too many people check my blog because I haven't written in it since we were in Sisters! Josh and Grace and I have been on "vacation" since graduation and have been traveling around and just hanging out. We spent some of our time in Yreka, CA with my grandparents where we were thouroughly spoiled and had lots of fun, and then we spent three days in Portland for our big mini vacation; there we went to the Zoo and to dinner and went swimming in the pool and just had a lot of fun just the three of us!!
We've been enjoying ourselves but are now excited to have started this new phase in our lives! Josh started his new job yesterday!!! He is working in Corvallis and Monmouth with PT northwest, and I think he is really liking it! Corvallis was certainly not where we thought we would end up, but now we are happy to be here!
We haven't found a place yet, and are staying with my parents until we get a little more settled. It's been lots of fun for us, especially Grace to get to spend so much time with her Papa and Grammy and uncles! Gracie has changed a lot too in the past few weeks. She can now say her ABC's all the way to G! And she can tell you that she is "one", she also has a new favorite word ....."no!" She is still her happy self and we're having lots of fun together!

The Doctor is in!

So this post I am writing is to brag about my husband a bit. As many of you know he just finished grad school two weeks ago and is officially a Doctor of Physical Therapy! I have to say it has certainly been a journey. Three years ago Josh and I got married, we went on our honey moon and the day after we got back he started school. About a year later we had Grace. We've moved twice, well kind of three times, and faced many many many unknowns. We've made friends, said goodbye to friends, been alone, and grown closer to God. So much has happened since Josh's first day of PT school, and I am so proud of the man that Josh has become through it all. I am proud of him for studying when he didn't want to, for going to 8 hours of class 5 days a week for 3 years, commuting to everything and just plain working hard. Even more, I am proud of the way he has put his faith in God while in school. So many times did he want to quit school and go find a job somewhere so he could provide for his family, but he prayed and he endured and he did what God wanted him to do.
Josh- I am thankful for your hard work, your love for me and Grace and your trust in God.
YIPEEE! and I love you, Les

We'll be comin over the mountain!

Friends! Josh and Gracie and I will be coming back to town, for who knows how long, come Monday. We have lots of free time (especially me and Grace) and we can't wait to visit!
We are so excited to catch up and visit with you all!

You can't depend on tomorrow

What's that verse that says "don't worry about tomorrow, today has enough problems of its own" ?
I've just realized since being out here, how much I depend on my future in order to feel secure and happy today. I day dream all the time, about how God will make us a part of his story, where we will live, and so on. And while there is nothing wrong with daydreaming, sometimes I think I live so much in the future that I miss what is going on around me today. Well wake up! There is nothing dependable about the future, it could all change at anytime, and my little list making heart doesn't like it one bit! God has really shown me this while we've been out here in the woods contemplating and still not knowing what to do next. What I do like though, is what God promises us about the future.
"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you, or abandon you." Deuteronomy 31:8
"He will never fail me" ......but my plans will. Don't get me wrong I don't think you could force list making and planning out of my brain. But I have spent sooooooo much time worrying over what is going to happen that I have missed so much of what has been happening to me in the present! So today, I am enjoying my family, I am soaking up what God has to teach me, and I am going to make some spaghetti.........and tomorrow is another story.

Shout out to my hubby!

I just wanted to say that Josh is so great. I went to a women's retreat this weekend, which was so awesome. I learned a lot about God's love, about other women and about myself. (God also might have told me what I am supposed to do with my life!:) It was such a treat to get away, stay at a resort, eat food that I didn't have to cook or clean up, it was great. But the very best part of my weekend was that when I got home, I not only got to see the family I missed, but Josh had cleaned the house, bought me flowers, and made me dinner! Isn't he wonderful? I just thought the world should know! I am so blessed!

adrift at sea

Josh and I have been struggling, to be honest. We thought we would know by now what we were supposed to do next, where we are going to live, and what Josh will be doing for a job. And we still have no clue. It's hard not to wonder why we even came out here, we were looking for an adventure, for something new, for purpose, and we might end up right where we left off when we started. Yesterday I realized something, or actually I think God asked me a question. I was imagining how I would feel if we stayed here in Bend, which would be "yea! God cares about us and what we desire, and I feel so blessed!" Or if we go back to the valley, "while I'm glad to be back with friends and family, why God would you send us to this place for us to fall in love with, only to send us back to where we started, no adventure, no journey, just a vacation." And I heard him say back to me, "do you really think I love you that little? And is your love for me so conditional? That I would only think that God has our best intrest in mind and cares about our desires, if I get what I want right now. Do I doubt his motives and love for me that much? I am starting to think that wherever we end up physically, our purpose for being out here was to move our hearts, not our address. This is Josh's and I's (punctuation there?) verse that we are clinging to today. From James in the Message.


"Consider it a sheer gift, friends when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure your faith life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do it's work so you become mature and well developed, not deficient in any way. IF you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. YOU"LL GET HIS HELP, and wont be condescended to when you ask for it. ASK BOLDLY, BELIEVINGLY, WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT. People who "worry ther prayers" (like moi) are like wind whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open. "

Thank you friends and family for your prayers! love you!

product of my time here!

I set out to accomplish the task of creating a dress for Grace several weeks ago. I was expecting to pick out some cute fabric, cut out a pattern and whimsically sew together a beautiful dress in a matter of hours. Well was I in for a surprise! For instance, I didn't know that the directions were written in some language that Martha Stewart invented, or that you had to measure stuff exactly right or it wouldn't work right, or that if you don't measure something right or sew something on backwards, or sew the dress together so that it's not even a dress anymore, that it would take me more time to fix my mistakes than to actually make the darn dress!!!!!! My blood pressure is officially higher thanks to this project. BUT! I did finish it, and it does look like a dress. It is far from perfect, towards the end I got mad at the directions and started doing things my own way, and since I don't know what I am doing there are many flaws! However, I am very proud. Grace tried it on, and although it was the first time I've ever been scared she will rip something, I am really excited that she will have this thing forever, that I made for her!
I also need to thank Josh's mom, Amy, for her counsel, I've called her many many many times in the past couple of weeks asking her to interput the instructions for me! Thank you!

Updates!

I thought I would take a little time to keep everyone updated. Josh and Grace and I are still loving it out here. It's been a cold and snowy spring so far, but you just can't beat the sunshine! And although we're living in Sisters, we absoulutely love Bend, there is so much to do! BUT there doesn't seem to be the multitude of jobs available like there is practically everywhere else. God is really teaching me a lot about patience and trust. And I also realized today that I was made to love God and be loved by him, that is my ultimate purpose. So as I am worrying and stressing that we are only here for three more weeks and don't know where Josh is going to work or where we are going to live, I have realized that God will put us where we need to be to love him and be loved by him and love others best, in the end thats our most important purpose.
It has been really hard because I am the kind of person who wants to know what is going to happen so I can plan things out, I can't do that right now and God is bringing me closer to him because of it.
Anways, as for other updates, Grace is doing great, we took her to the fish hatchery out here last weekend and she loved it, she is turning into such a little kid! Her new words are; elmo, all done, car and home. As far as potty training goes, she is her usual self. With every new step, rolling over, crawling, walking, talking and now potty training, she gets it down and then doesn't want to do it for a while. She goes on the potty everyother day or so but I don't think it's quite time yet. But she is doing great, she loves going on walks around the neighboor hood, watching the deer and going to see her Dad for lunch. (If we didn't do that once or twice a week we'd go crazy!) So we're all doing good, waiting to see, still, where we will end up, but enjoying the journey!

Church in the park after dark

My parents came for the weekend, and on Saturday night they babysat for us so Josh and I could go on a much needed date. We went to a really trendy and surper tasty Tai resturant in Bend and had so much fun. But the best part of the night was (after spending some time with Josh and eating the best pad tai I've ever had) was that after we ate, we followed the sound of music down to drake park, and there were some kids playing music. They didn't have a singer or anything, just a guitar, a drummer and some speakers. But they were so good! The stars were out, and people were just hanging out and listening. I know this might sound corny but I found myself praying and listening, and really worshiping God! It made me miss Coast Hills, and I realized how spoiled we were with George! It was just really cool, it was the church I needed and had been missing, and I found it surrounded by teenagers smoking, in a park, after dark.

Grace Misses her friends!

We all know how scary it is to be new. I have been very blessed to have just one friend here, but one who has invited me to all kinds of things, Church, Bible Study and MOPS. It has been such a blessing but also scary at the same time. I forgot what it felt like to be new, and I DONT LIKE IT! It is fun to meet new people but I Miss all of our "old" friends. Anyway, so does Gracie. I really took for granted that when I went to Moms group or Church on sunday that Gracie was just going to be with her friends (and so was I!). She knew the nursery because she was there 2-20 times a week even just with Josh and I cleaning or whatever. And the people who watched her were people she saw all the time, and the other kids were kids she saw there and at home! It has been so hard! I also took for granted the luxury of having a child who rarely ever needed me to come get her or who had a hard time being left in the nursery! Almost everytime I have put her in the nursery since we've been here, I've come back to find her sobbing! I think we are going to take it slow, and just do church for right now. I just really hadn't thought about how she would feel......just like I do, scared and that I want my mommy!!!!

Easy Religion

So this morning I got an email from my friend about this new book craze that Oprah is promoting. And let me start by saying I've always been an oprah fan, when I get the chance I love to take a break around 4 o'clock and watch a little oprah! The email was a link to a Utube video that a church made about Oprah's "church", which is not actually a church but playing to the notion that she really has a lot of followers, ones who eat up anything she says about religion and otherwise.
I watched the video which included a clip from one of her shows where she is quoted saying that there is more than one path to God, that Jesus can't be the only way. It includes other quotes that disagree with the idea of there being one God, one path to Salvation and a true need for the Cross. Then there is a clip from the Online series where she is talking with the author of this new book "A New Earth". Now, I am not a totally educated skeptic because I have not read his book, however I've thought a lot about some of the concepts and I think they are both attractive and deceptive for some of the same reasons that lots of other religions are and have been.
This video I watched talked about there being no Sin, no need for the cross, that our holiness comes from within ourselves and it goes on and on. First let me note, that I may sound really uneducated here, but it is confusing. Someone in the email noted that it is harder to believe than Christian doctorine! Second, I've found that it is really attractive to us, as proud human beings to buy into a religion where we can fix our problems with sin, pain and death by our selves. One time at a campaigners group (like a bible study for highschoolers) I asked my girls what they would do in this situation;
You are in court because you robbed a bank, and you are sentenced to 35 years in prison. Some guy stands up and say that he is willing to go to jail for you, to pay your debt, to suffer the consequences of what you did, even though he is innocent of the crime. The judge accepts his offer, and it is up to you, would you let him do the time for your crime? EVERY ONE OF MY GIRLS SAID NO!
Why is that? Why would you want to go to jail if you didn't have to? Because, it is really hard to let someone else take care of our problems. It is more difficult for us as humans to accept that Jesus would die for us, take care of our need to pay for our sins, would hand us salvation on a silver platter, than to do it ourselves. This new book is so popular, I think, because it gives people a way to solve their problems themselves, they don't need Jesus, and they don't have to surrender to anyone. Surrender is hard. Asking for forgiveness is hard. And for the same reason I think a lot of religions and even denominations of Christianity are popular. They offer people a way to work their own way out of Hell. A set of rules to make them feel Holy because they can obey them. But as hard as surrender is and accepting the cross is, isn't this such a beautiful picture of love? These religions that allow us to do it all ourselves, lack Grace. We can only recieve Grace and real Love if we don't deserve it! It's like marriage. What good is your marriage if you can't serve each other, and allow each other to pick up where you lack? We lack the solution to our sin, the alternative to death, and Jesus has it and offers it to us. We just have to surrender and accept!

daddy's and potties!

So we started potty training this week. We had tried with failure once before, and I didn't think we would try again for a little while. However, this past weekend while Grace was mid-doing her business, Josh stuck her on the potty and she did it! We made a big deal and gave her praise and candy! And due to one or both of those rewards she continued to use the potty for the rest of the day! Well, Dad, who initated the potty business, left to go to work on Monday, and it seems as though the potty is a daddy-daughter affair! With me Grace seems scared almost of the potty, and then we have an all out wrestling match to get her diaper back on. (also! She's using the potty against me! because I think the only times she will sit on the potty for me she is just trying to trick me into taking her diaper off and leaving it off!) Anyways, for now Grace is an evening only potty girl. I will keep you posted, but for now I am eating her going potty candy!! (just kidding:)

Friendship

In my heart, has been created a new meaning for the word friendship. I have had so many good friends in my life and have been lucky to have 2 very close friends who have seen me through several phases of life. However Josh and I have both been blessed with a group of friends from our home church in McMinnville that have opened new places in our hearts when it comes to friends. Friendship is not aquaitance, or even just liking somebody or having similar intrests. I've learned from these friends that friendship means understanding each other, praying for and with each other, laughing - a lot - together, sharing exciting times like Grace's first word, loving on kids together, eating together, missing each other and the list could go on. The other thing is that I've learned how valuble friends are. I love love love my family and they are some of my best friends as well, but I also feel so very blessed because I have learned that friendships can be a different type of family. We all become, in part, the people we are because of our parents and close family members. But we all know that in some ways we grow up to be different. These friends I have made, I love them like family but we are also really alike! I know duh! We have things in common, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am so greatful to have these people in my life, and I hope you know who you are, who I love like family and love us back the same, and that are in the same stage of life as us, and that you just get our hearts, ya know? Our hearts are alike, we dream for similar things, are hurt by similar things and are excited about what God is doing in each of our lives. I am rambling now, but I just want you friends to know that friendship has a new meaning in my heart, and it's because of you. That wont change no matter where we live! I love you all!