The terrific Twos

I have been wanting to right this post since yesterday morning and am finally getting the chance. I have lots left to do, getting the house together, before Grace's 2nd Birthday party tomorrow but it will all have to wait. A year ago tomorrow we celebrated Gracie's first birthday, and I was completely shocked by how emotional I became as her birthday came near. I just kept looking at her and remembering the day she was born, how beautiful she was and how I was both completely terrified and overflowing with joy all at the same time. I was a bit surprised the past week though, as I prepared things for her birthday, how unemotional I was. I was excited to celebrate her but not sappy at all. Which was fine, I think I have just been too busy to think about anything but unpacking. But yesterday it hit me. Yesterday was the "anniversary" if you will, of my due date for Grace. And I just started to remember the waiting and anticipation of her arrival. And today two years ago is when I was induced at the hospital, lying in bed and still waiting. It wouldn't be for almost exactly 24 hours before she was born. But she came and she was perfect. I had Grace by c-section so I didn't get to hold her right away, but Josh put her tiny cheek against mine and I fell in love. (pause to go get kleenex) I was kind of in and out for an hour or so after that in the recovery room while Josh went up to give her her fiirst bath, and I didn't get to see her again until my nurse (who was an angel and stayed with me through my c-section even though her shift had ended) pulled some strings and brought me back up to the maternity floor so I could be with Gracie even though I was supposed to stay in recovry for a few hours more. Anyways it was amazing and scary and beautiful all at the same time. Flash forward to today, the day before she turns two. We spent some time, me and Grace, dancing to music this morning, it's one of her favorite pass times, and while we were dancing a strand of my hair got caught in my face, I wasn't really paying attention because we were being silly and dancing around, and she stopped what she was doing, and with her cute little fingers brushed the hair out of my face! I know, I am getting over the top sappy here, but how sweet, she truly has a beautiful little heart.

Over the past two years my biggest joy and struggle has been being a "stay at home mom".I really fought my desire to do what I'm doing now, and then once I stopped going to school and wasn't fighting it anymore, I felt like I wasn't enough and wasn't "accomplishing" enough. Now, two years later, I am confident in Josh and I's choice for me to stay home. Although I occasionally feel self conscious after certain remarks or aroud "career moms", I know that I find so so much Joy from being home with grace. For instance I love feeding Grace lunch, I know that is silly, and that there are many more important things I will do in life, but I love it. I love teaching her new things, and being there when she gets hurt, I love that I get to decide what she eats and when she naps, and just that I get to be in her presence and love on her all day. I love it. I am not writing this to make any mom feel bad who works, every single mom in my family have always worked and they are all great mothers. I'm just writing this to celebrate that I am finally ok with the fact that I love staying home and that I'm content doing what I'm doing.

If you read this Grace, someday, just know that being your mom brings me so much Joy and I love hanging out with you! You are so beautiful! Happy Birthday!