You can't depend on tomorrow

What's that verse that says "don't worry about tomorrow, today has enough problems of its own" ?
I've just realized since being out here, how much I depend on my future in order to feel secure and happy today. I day dream all the time, about how God will make us a part of his story, where we will live, and so on. And while there is nothing wrong with daydreaming, sometimes I think I live so much in the future that I miss what is going on around me today. Well wake up! There is nothing dependable about the future, it could all change at anytime, and my little list making heart doesn't like it one bit! God has really shown me this while we've been out here in the woods contemplating and still not knowing what to do next. What I do like though, is what God promises us about the future.
"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you, or abandon you." Deuteronomy 31:8
"He will never fail me" ......but my plans will. Don't get me wrong I don't think you could force list making and planning out of my brain. But I have spent sooooooo much time worrying over what is going to happen that I have missed so much of what has been happening to me in the present! So today, I am enjoying my family, I am soaking up what God has to teach me, and I am going to make some spaghetti.........and tomorrow is another story.

Shout out to my hubby!

I just wanted to say that Josh is so great. I went to a women's retreat this weekend, which was so awesome. I learned a lot about God's love, about other women and about myself. (God also might have told me what I am supposed to do with my life!:) It was such a treat to get away, stay at a resort, eat food that I didn't have to cook or clean up, it was great. But the very best part of my weekend was that when I got home, I not only got to see the family I missed, but Josh had cleaned the house, bought me flowers, and made me dinner! Isn't he wonderful? I just thought the world should know! I am so blessed!

adrift at sea

Josh and I have been struggling, to be honest. We thought we would know by now what we were supposed to do next, where we are going to live, and what Josh will be doing for a job. And we still have no clue. It's hard not to wonder why we even came out here, we were looking for an adventure, for something new, for purpose, and we might end up right where we left off when we started. Yesterday I realized something, or actually I think God asked me a question. I was imagining how I would feel if we stayed here in Bend, which would be "yea! God cares about us and what we desire, and I feel so blessed!" Or if we go back to the valley, "while I'm glad to be back with friends and family, why God would you send us to this place for us to fall in love with, only to send us back to where we started, no adventure, no journey, just a vacation." And I heard him say back to me, "do you really think I love you that little? And is your love for me so conditional? That I would only think that God has our best intrest in mind and cares about our desires, if I get what I want right now. Do I doubt his motives and love for me that much? I am starting to think that wherever we end up physically, our purpose for being out here was to move our hearts, not our address. This is Josh's and I's (punctuation there?) verse that we are clinging to today. From James in the Message.


"Consider it a sheer gift, friends when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure your faith life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do it's work so you become mature and well developed, not deficient in any way. IF you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. YOU"LL GET HIS HELP, and wont be condescended to when you ask for it. ASK BOLDLY, BELIEVINGLY, WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT. People who "worry ther prayers" (like moi) are like wind whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open. "

Thank you friends and family for your prayers! love you!

product of my time here!

I set out to accomplish the task of creating a dress for Grace several weeks ago. I was expecting to pick out some cute fabric, cut out a pattern and whimsically sew together a beautiful dress in a matter of hours. Well was I in for a surprise! For instance, I didn't know that the directions were written in some language that Martha Stewart invented, or that you had to measure stuff exactly right or it wouldn't work right, or that if you don't measure something right or sew something on backwards, or sew the dress together so that it's not even a dress anymore, that it would take me more time to fix my mistakes than to actually make the darn dress!!!!!! My blood pressure is officially higher thanks to this project. BUT! I did finish it, and it does look like a dress. It is far from perfect, towards the end I got mad at the directions and started doing things my own way, and since I don't know what I am doing there are many flaws! However, I am very proud. Grace tried it on, and although it was the first time I've ever been scared she will rip something, I am really excited that she will have this thing forever, that I made for her!
I also need to thank Josh's mom, Amy, for her counsel, I've called her many many many times in the past couple of weeks asking her to interput the instructions for me! Thank you!

Updates!

I thought I would take a little time to keep everyone updated. Josh and Grace and I are still loving it out here. It's been a cold and snowy spring so far, but you just can't beat the sunshine! And although we're living in Sisters, we absoulutely love Bend, there is so much to do! BUT there doesn't seem to be the multitude of jobs available like there is practically everywhere else. God is really teaching me a lot about patience and trust. And I also realized today that I was made to love God and be loved by him, that is my ultimate purpose. So as I am worrying and stressing that we are only here for three more weeks and don't know where Josh is going to work or where we are going to live, I have realized that God will put us where we need to be to love him and be loved by him and love others best, in the end thats our most important purpose.
It has been really hard because I am the kind of person who wants to know what is going to happen so I can plan things out, I can't do that right now and God is bringing me closer to him because of it.
Anways, as for other updates, Grace is doing great, we took her to the fish hatchery out here last weekend and she loved it, she is turning into such a little kid! Her new words are; elmo, all done, car and home. As far as potty training goes, she is her usual self. With every new step, rolling over, crawling, walking, talking and now potty training, she gets it down and then doesn't want to do it for a while. She goes on the potty everyother day or so but I don't think it's quite time yet. But she is doing great, she loves going on walks around the neighboor hood, watching the deer and going to see her Dad for lunch. (If we didn't do that once or twice a week we'd go crazy!) So we're all doing good, waiting to see, still, where we will end up, but enjoying the journey!

Church in the park after dark

My parents came for the weekend, and on Saturday night they babysat for us so Josh and I could go on a much needed date. We went to a really trendy and surper tasty Tai resturant in Bend and had so much fun. But the best part of the night was (after spending some time with Josh and eating the best pad tai I've ever had) was that after we ate, we followed the sound of music down to drake park, and there were some kids playing music. They didn't have a singer or anything, just a guitar, a drummer and some speakers. But they were so good! The stars were out, and people were just hanging out and listening. I know this might sound corny but I found myself praying and listening, and really worshiping God! It made me miss Coast Hills, and I realized how spoiled we were with George! It was just really cool, it was the church I needed and had been missing, and I found it surrounded by teenagers smoking, in a park, after dark.

Grace Misses her friends!

We all know how scary it is to be new. I have been very blessed to have just one friend here, but one who has invited me to all kinds of things, Church, Bible Study and MOPS. It has been such a blessing but also scary at the same time. I forgot what it felt like to be new, and I DONT LIKE IT! It is fun to meet new people but I Miss all of our "old" friends. Anyway, so does Gracie. I really took for granted that when I went to Moms group or Church on sunday that Gracie was just going to be with her friends (and so was I!). She knew the nursery because she was there 2-20 times a week even just with Josh and I cleaning or whatever. And the people who watched her were people she saw all the time, and the other kids were kids she saw there and at home! It has been so hard! I also took for granted the luxury of having a child who rarely ever needed me to come get her or who had a hard time being left in the nursery! Almost everytime I have put her in the nursery since we've been here, I've come back to find her sobbing! I think we are going to take it slow, and just do church for right now. I just really hadn't thought about how she would feel......just like I do, scared and that I want my mommy!!!!