Paid in moments

The only word I have to describe the way I am feeling on this friday evening is UUUUUGGGGGGG or maybe ARRRRRRRRGGGGG works a little better. I am knee deep in the forever battle of Gabe Vs. sleep and this week the kids and I have gotten some kind of sore throat, runny nose bug that is not very fun. I may have talked about this before on here, if I have it's because I continually struggle with what it means to be a stay at home mom. (and by the way I hate that term, don't know why I just do.) Anyways, yesterday morning I woke up feeling like poop and instead of getting to lay on the couch and watch t.v sipping juice I had to take care of my kids. My sick kids, none the less, who just like I desired, need EXTRA attention, care and love because they were feeling poopy too. So just like I did when we all caught the oink oink flu earlier this year, I started feeling sorry for myself. If I were to voice all my thoughts outloud I would sound like a tweenager saying things like "it's just not fair!" and actually confession - amidst my frusteration, tiredness and self pity yesterday I believe I said to Grace "hey I'm sick too, be nice to me" . Nice one mom, real nice. Anyways, I was feeling sorry for myself, wondering why I don't get sick days, why I don't get raises when I work harder or bonuses at Christmas or whatever. When Gabe smiled at me. And then Grace brought him a toy because he was getting fussy and in her three year old voice said "here you go little buddy". Today Grace told me that when she's five, and a grown up, she's going to make me breakfast all byherself. This is all super corny, its just that I was again reminded- and more quickly this time I think- that I get paid in moments. I get to see things I wouldn't if I was at work, I get to BE with my kids all of the time. Now, I'm not debating anything and staying home isn't the only right way to be a mom, but for me I am learning that this is my choice, no one is making me stay home, and that there are sooo many blessings that come with it. I get paid in moments. The equivilant of a sick day is watching cartoons in bed with Grace instead of folding laundry, and my wonderful husband bringing me a surprise milkshake on his way home from work.