adrift at sea

Josh and I have been struggling, to be honest. We thought we would know by now what we were supposed to do next, where we are going to live, and what Josh will be doing for a job. And we still have no clue. It's hard not to wonder why we even came out here, we were looking for an adventure, for something new, for purpose, and we might end up right where we left off when we started. Yesterday I realized something, or actually I think God asked me a question. I was imagining how I would feel if we stayed here in Bend, which would be "yea! God cares about us and what we desire, and I feel so blessed!" Or if we go back to the valley, "while I'm glad to be back with friends and family, why God would you send us to this place for us to fall in love with, only to send us back to where we started, no adventure, no journey, just a vacation." And I heard him say back to me, "do you really think I love you that little? And is your love for me so conditional? That I would only think that God has our best intrest in mind and cares about our desires, if I get what I want right now. Do I doubt his motives and love for me that much? I am starting to think that wherever we end up physically, our purpose for being out here was to move our hearts, not our address. This is Josh's and I's (punctuation there?) verse that we are clinging to today. From James in the Message.


"Consider it a sheer gift, friends when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure your faith life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do it's work so you become mature and well developed, not deficient in any way. IF you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. YOU"LL GET HIS HELP, and wont be condescended to when you ask for it. ASK BOLDLY, BELIEVINGLY, WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT. People who "worry ther prayers" (like moi) are like wind whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open. "

Thank you friends and family for your prayers! love you!

product of my time here!

I set out to accomplish the task of creating a dress for Grace several weeks ago. I was expecting to pick out some cute fabric, cut out a pattern and whimsically sew together a beautiful dress in a matter of hours. Well was I in for a surprise! For instance, I didn't know that the directions were written in some language that Martha Stewart invented, or that you had to measure stuff exactly right or it wouldn't work right, or that if you don't measure something right or sew something on backwards, or sew the dress together so that it's not even a dress anymore, that it would take me more time to fix my mistakes than to actually make the darn dress!!!!!! My blood pressure is officially higher thanks to this project. BUT! I did finish it, and it does look like a dress. It is far from perfect, towards the end I got mad at the directions and started doing things my own way, and since I don't know what I am doing there are many flaws! However, I am very proud. Grace tried it on, and although it was the first time I've ever been scared she will rip something, I am really excited that she will have this thing forever, that I made for her!
I also need to thank Josh's mom, Amy, for her counsel, I've called her many many many times in the past couple of weeks asking her to interput the instructions for me! Thank you!

Updates!

I thought I would take a little time to keep everyone updated. Josh and Grace and I are still loving it out here. It's been a cold and snowy spring so far, but you just can't beat the sunshine! And although we're living in Sisters, we absoulutely love Bend, there is so much to do! BUT there doesn't seem to be the multitude of jobs available like there is practically everywhere else. God is really teaching me a lot about patience and trust. And I also realized today that I was made to love God and be loved by him, that is my ultimate purpose. So as I am worrying and stressing that we are only here for three more weeks and don't know where Josh is going to work or where we are going to live, I have realized that God will put us where we need to be to love him and be loved by him and love others best, in the end thats our most important purpose.
It has been really hard because I am the kind of person who wants to know what is going to happen so I can plan things out, I can't do that right now and God is bringing me closer to him because of it.
Anways, as for other updates, Grace is doing great, we took her to the fish hatchery out here last weekend and she loved it, she is turning into such a little kid! Her new words are; elmo, all done, car and home. As far as potty training goes, she is her usual self. With every new step, rolling over, crawling, walking, talking and now potty training, she gets it down and then doesn't want to do it for a while. She goes on the potty everyother day or so but I don't think it's quite time yet. But she is doing great, she loves going on walks around the neighboor hood, watching the deer and going to see her Dad for lunch. (If we didn't do that once or twice a week we'd go crazy!) So we're all doing good, waiting to see, still, where we will end up, but enjoying the journey!

Church in the park after dark

My parents came for the weekend, and on Saturday night they babysat for us so Josh and I could go on a much needed date. We went to a really trendy and surper tasty Tai resturant in Bend and had so much fun. But the best part of the night was (after spending some time with Josh and eating the best pad tai I've ever had) was that after we ate, we followed the sound of music down to drake park, and there were some kids playing music. They didn't have a singer or anything, just a guitar, a drummer and some speakers. But they were so good! The stars were out, and people were just hanging out and listening. I know this might sound corny but I found myself praying and listening, and really worshiping God! It made me miss Coast Hills, and I realized how spoiled we were with George! It was just really cool, it was the church I needed and had been missing, and I found it surrounded by teenagers smoking, in a park, after dark.

Grace Misses her friends!

We all know how scary it is to be new. I have been very blessed to have just one friend here, but one who has invited me to all kinds of things, Church, Bible Study and MOPS. It has been such a blessing but also scary at the same time. I forgot what it felt like to be new, and I DONT LIKE IT! It is fun to meet new people but I Miss all of our "old" friends. Anyway, so does Gracie. I really took for granted that when I went to Moms group or Church on sunday that Gracie was just going to be with her friends (and so was I!). She knew the nursery because she was there 2-20 times a week even just with Josh and I cleaning or whatever. And the people who watched her were people she saw all the time, and the other kids were kids she saw there and at home! It has been so hard! I also took for granted the luxury of having a child who rarely ever needed me to come get her or who had a hard time being left in the nursery! Almost everytime I have put her in the nursery since we've been here, I've come back to find her sobbing! I think we are going to take it slow, and just do church for right now. I just really hadn't thought about how she would feel......just like I do, scared and that I want my mommy!!!!

Easy Religion

So this morning I got an email from my friend about this new book craze that Oprah is promoting. And let me start by saying I've always been an oprah fan, when I get the chance I love to take a break around 4 o'clock and watch a little oprah! The email was a link to a Utube video that a church made about Oprah's "church", which is not actually a church but playing to the notion that she really has a lot of followers, ones who eat up anything she says about religion and otherwise.
I watched the video which included a clip from one of her shows where she is quoted saying that there is more than one path to God, that Jesus can't be the only way. It includes other quotes that disagree with the idea of there being one God, one path to Salvation and a true need for the Cross. Then there is a clip from the Online series where she is talking with the author of this new book "A New Earth". Now, I am not a totally educated skeptic because I have not read his book, however I've thought a lot about some of the concepts and I think they are both attractive and deceptive for some of the same reasons that lots of other religions are and have been.
This video I watched talked about there being no Sin, no need for the cross, that our holiness comes from within ourselves and it goes on and on. First let me note, that I may sound really uneducated here, but it is confusing. Someone in the email noted that it is harder to believe than Christian doctorine! Second, I've found that it is really attractive to us, as proud human beings to buy into a religion where we can fix our problems with sin, pain and death by our selves. One time at a campaigners group (like a bible study for highschoolers) I asked my girls what they would do in this situation;
You are in court because you robbed a bank, and you are sentenced to 35 years in prison. Some guy stands up and say that he is willing to go to jail for you, to pay your debt, to suffer the consequences of what you did, even though he is innocent of the crime. The judge accepts his offer, and it is up to you, would you let him do the time for your crime? EVERY ONE OF MY GIRLS SAID NO!
Why is that? Why would you want to go to jail if you didn't have to? Because, it is really hard to let someone else take care of our problems. It is more difficult for us as humans to accept that Jesus would die for us, take care of our need to pay for our sins, would hand us salvation on a silver platter, than to do it ourselves. This new book is so popular, I think, because it gives people a way to solve their problems themselves, they don't need Jesus, and they don't have to surrender to anyone. Surrender is hard. Asking for forgiveness is hard. And for the same reason I think a lot of religions and even denominations of Christianity are popular. They offer people a way to work their own way out of Hell. A set of rules to make them feel Holy because they can obey them. But as hard as surrender is and accepting the cross is, isn't this such a beautiful picture of love? These religions that allow us to do it all ourselves, lack Grace. We can only recieve Grace and real Love if we don't deserve it! It's like marriage. What good is your marriage if you can't serve each other, and allow each other to pick up where you lack? We lack the solution to our sin, the alternative to death, and Jesus has it and offers it to us. We just have to surrender and accept!

daddy's and potties!

So we started potty training this week. We had tried with failure once before, and I didn't think we would try again for a little while. However, this past weekend while Grace was mid-doing her business, Josh stuck her on the potty and she did it! We made a big deal and gave her praise and candy! And due to one or both of those rewards she continued to use the potty for the rest of the day! Well, Dad, who initated the potty business, left to go to work on Monday, and it seems as though the potty is a daddy-daughter affair! With me Grace seems scared almost of the potty, and then we have an all out wrestling match to get her diaper back on. (also! She's using the potty against me! because I think the only times she will sit on the potty for me she is just trying to trick me into taking her diaper off and leaving it off!) Anyways, for now Grace is an evening only potty girl. I will keep you posted, but for now I am eating her going potty candy!! (just kidding:)