Things i've forgotten and why God is so good....

So you will have to excuse the sappiness of this post, after having a baby one can be extremely emotional which can be really hard, you don't always feel like yourself, but along with being really sad for a moment or stressed or whatever you also experience extremes at the other end of the spectrum leaving you filled to the brim with joy, excited about life and a new found love for your family that you didn't think you could experience.

First I will begin with the things I've forgotten about having a newborn. And for most of them I mean I really forgot, like moments where I was like wow poop can do that? and then oh yeah I remember that. Anyways...

1. poop can travel -enough said

2. my apologies to the environment but I literally do laundry (well my mom does laundry) 1-2 times PER DAY!

3. Again apologies to the environment (and Beka) but I love paper plates

4. babies actually can poop three to five times in and hour

5. not sleeping through the night can transform you into a scary, smelly and weepy version of yourself (grace -bless her heart- witnessed her mommy have a complete nervous break down after 1 hour of sleep in 24 hours. -Both Grace and I are both doing much better now)

6. Just a half an hour alone (like getting to post a blog while my entire family is napping) can totally refresh you, not a weekend a way or an afternoon just 30 minutes

7. Babies sleep a lot a lot - I believe I actually said (and not joking but totally serious) "Josh I think he's dying he's not blinking!"

8. Holding a baby can make just about anyone feel better even on a really bad day

9. there is nothing more handsome then your husband holding your newborn

10. Sleep is wonderful, I miss you

11. You don't actually need that much sleep to survive

Like I said I have been experiencing a wide range of very extreme emotions. I wont share in detail our whole birth experience right now, but the night Gabe was born was the happiest night of my life. (Well tied with when Grace was born). I have never felt so ......I can't even fine the right word, purposeful, filled with joy, high?, exhilarated! It was awful and painful and I believe I told Josh he wasn't having any more kids unless we adopted, but I did it. Unless the doctor had performed a c-section there was no one in that room or even the world that could have done what I did. I had to birth Gabe, it took all of me, but only I could do it. I had amazing (and I mean amazing) support but no one could actually do it for me and Gabe but me. I've also been nursing Gabe, something I wasn't able to do with Grace. (Which I have no regrets over- look at her she's healthy, strong and brilliant!) but it's also something that so far has required all my determination, strength and faith to get through. And what I realized in all of this (at I believe 2:30 in the morning- nursing leaves you A LOT of time to think) is that in this past week I've felt like I am in my sweet spot. I am doing what I was made to do. Not in the sense that women are meant to cook dinner and have babies, but what I - Leslie- was meant to do. To be Josh's wife and Grace and Gabe's mom. The awesome thing, and why I think God is so good and so brilliant is that I could not be the person I was made to be, I could not do the things God has planned for me to do, or live my life to the fullest, without these people. We've been talking about community at DOX and it really hit me this week that I cannot be the woman God created me to be on my own. I am so thankful for my children because without them I wouldn't be doing what I love and I don't think I would feel so alive. I am so thankful.

I had to take a break from this post because we had some lovely visitors (thank you Amy and Izzy for the pie!) So now I've kind of lost my train of thought, but I am going to work on a slide show because I have to many pictures to post otherwise! I can't wait for you all to meet Gabe!